I don't usually like posting heavy stuff here but here's the reality of things:
I've struggled with mental illness my whole life, but in the last year or so it's really taken a bad turn. I'm struggling harder than ever and working really hard to keep my shit together so I don't lose my job...Again. Anyway it's not going well.
There's a lot more I could say but I'll just talk about how this affects my art. I got a lot on my plate right now. I've taken on a few projects that I probably shouldn't have, and I've bitten off way more than I can chew. I'm juggling Fairy Tale Rejects, Freelance Good Guys, Million Mile Crew, Enderbro, and a few private projects from other people. I take up these projects when I'm manic, and when I'm not manic anymore I'm suddenly left with all this shit that I agreed to do but am in no kind of state to be doing. It blows. I hate that I do it, but it is what it is.
SOOO I guess what I'm trying to spew out here is that I'm NOT abandoning any of my projects, but some of them are definitely on hiatus. Basically here's what's going on:
My illness has cost me 6 jobs in the past...That's every job I've ever worked. I am mentally unfit to work and I've been denying it for almost ten years, but in January I finally decided to apply for disability. My family has been suggesting it to me for years because my bipolar disorder just makes my life a hurricane of chaos, I'm constantly losing my jobs and moving and struggling, and I can't do it anymore. I had two really bad psychotic episodes this year alone that almost cost me my life; I was arrested and hospitalized for one of them and I nearly became homeless because of it.
This is all really embarrassing to say and I've been putting it off all year. But it's important in regards to my comics because if the case is approved, I plan on getting serious about my art and doing it full-time. 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I could produce maybe 2 pages a day. I'd like to improve the quality, plan it out better, and make some money from it. Right now I make a piddly sum off merchandise and that's a start, but I think everything can be done bigger and better if I was just in the right mental state. My job leaves me in such a shitty state by the end of my shifts, I'm usually pacing, crying, and too anxious to do anything productive. I can't even relax and watch TV or read; it really takes the piss out of me. I am miserable. I've been this way for a long time, but with bipolar disorder it's broken up by fits of mania that FORCE productivity even if it's not enjoyable. Anyway it's exhausting and like I said, I can't do this shit anymore.
tl;dr: If my disability case goes through I plan to do comics full-time and hopefully make my living that way. If not, the long hiatuses and my own personal misery will continue indefinitely and I just might be homeless, or have a psychotic episode and walk into traffic. That's my life right now.